You weren’t an asshole and that was the problem.
See, before I met you, I was used to the unhealthy, back-and-forth relationships that I was a part of for years. I thought it was normal when your boyfriend would forget your birthday or to be called a cunt when he didn’t get his way.
So when I met you, a.k.a., Mr. I’mAGreatGuyAndGenuinelyCareAboutYou…I was thrown off. We clicked. Conversation wasn’t forced, the attraction was there, and everything seemed to make sense. It wasn’t difficult with you and I knew deep down it never would be. You were one of the most genuine people I had ever met. I knew you would not be malicious, nor treat me like a piece of shit. You didn’t have a single bad bone in your body.
You were everything I was searching for; the happiness I had hoped would find its way to me. But once it was right there in front of me, I resorted back to my unhealthy mentality.
I needed an asshole. I needed the fighting, the mental abuse. I needed the anxiety, the paranoia and hurt. You would not put me through any of this, and because of that, I let you go.
I realized very quickly how much of a mistake that was, but it was too late. Your greatness was being appreciated by someone else and our journey came to an end.
Though it stung for quite some time, I had no one to blame but myself.
I had finally met someone who was good for me and it scared me half to death. Mentally, I was not healed from all of the abuse I had gone through. Your kindness was foreign to me. Like most things in my life, timing was not on my side.
You are happy now, and I am happy too. It took time for me to accept the mistake I made, but I know that everything worked out the way it was supposed to.
You may not read this letter because quite frankly, you may not know it is about you. We haven’t talked in what seems like forever, but there are moments where I’ll think of you and feel a rush of what could have been.
They say you don’t know what you have until it is gone.
God, how right they were.
